Archfiend

As if a meteor had devastated the landscape… the soaring streak of red light just now had suddenly revealed their blood-drenched captain before everyone in the police force… and the ground covered in wilted lotuses.

In that instant when everything was revealed, all words lost their original function. They were stunned. Apart from being stunned, though, they were shocked. This was unimaginable… but not only was it unimaginable, it was outrageous.

“This… The heck is this…” In disbelief, Vice Captain Chen took in everything before his eyes. What on earth had happened? What had occurred just now? Even a moron would be able to see that the violent earthquake had come from some unknown object leaving a terrible blow on the ground. Now that holes of all sizes could be seen, everything could be explained.

What had happened? What had hit the ground? Was there an organism like this on Earth? This… was a serial killer? Even a blind person could see that a bloody battle had just been waged here. But where… was Captain Xu’s opponent?!

Countless questions lingered on their minds, but suddenly a voice echoed out. Captain Gao said in a trembling voice directed into his megaphone, “Everyone… b-besides people in charge, d-depart immediately… This is an order!”

There were several parties in charge. Yet the army’s three lieutenant-colonels, Vice Captain Chen, and Captain Gao all happened to take the same action, walking towards Xu Yangyi.

This was because… there was a giant ten-meter-deep crater at the side! It was simply too eye-catching to be ignored!

Their footsteps were silent as they walked over to the crater, and the group traded looks with each other. They listlessly looked at the crater again, unable to say a single word.

“C-Captain Xu…” It wasn’t known how much time had passed until Vice Captain Chen suddenly turned his head, gazing at Xu Yangyi with fiery eyes. He said warblingly, “J-Just now, what the heck happened?”

“What was up with that streak of red light? How did these lotus leaves get here? What’s up with this crater? Where’s the criminal? How did sir handle the criminal?”

Too many questions. The rise of the first question was like an opening of floodgates, frantically spilling out. The other several people no longer spoke as well, merely their heated gazes had solidified over Xu Yangyi’s form.

The landscape was already beyond scientific explanation… They didn’t dare think of it, didn’t dare go in the direction that was as immeasurable as devils and gods… Why hadn’t they seen a single creature in front of them a moment ago, but in a second, like an edited video, how had so many things popped up?

No one could explain it besides the man in front of them… He was just like the sole witness in a legend. Everyone’s hearts were bursting with curiosity as they waited for Xu Yangyi to speak. However, Xu Yangyi didn’t plan on giving any explanation. He sat down to treat his injuries. “Mao Ba’er, come out and clean up.”

Everyone’s facial muscles slightly twitched. The heck’s up with you? Why don’t you say something, alright! A person can’t use the excuse of hunting a criminal to explain something like this anymore, right?! With so many eyes on you, you got the nerve to pretend that there’s no one else around, and treat your injuries?!

“Did you do this?” Finally, Old Zhu couldn’t bear it any longer and asked.

This should’ve been the case… The only person here was Xu Yangyi… however…

Was he even a goddamn human?! Could a human cause these kinds of earthly alterations? Was a human capable of such world-shaking sorcery?

“Yes.” Xu Yangyi shot him a glance, clear and cut to the point. In fact, his wounds weren’t serious. It was just that the bone spurs piercing his body were rather hard to treat. Presently, he was like a hedgehog, pulling on the protrusions which couldn’t be pulled out. He only used his muscle to clamp down tightly on the bone spurs.

A single word seemed to have flipped on some switch. Everyone looked at each other in dismay, each set of eyes conveying the same information: this couldn’t be true! Absolutely everything was a dream tonight! And yet not one person came out and said it. The mood in the air was silently dreadful. 

“C-Captain Xu… R-Really, it was you?” Several seconds later, Vice Captain Chen’s voice came floating over. This was the first time he had addressed Xu Yangyi as captain, with true heartfelt sincerity.

Not replying, Xu Yangyi pulled out the short bone spurs neither quickly nor slowly. The withdrawal of each spur brought with it dark-red blood. On his stomach, there were a couple thirty-to-forty-centimeter-long bone spurs exposed that he didn’t risk pulling out. Nevertheless, the current scene formed a strange kind of harmony.

“Captain Xu… Uhh, w-what’s that on your body?” Captain Gao asked and gulped, once another minute passed. No one felt that this was an insult to them. 

“Phew…” Pulling out the final minor bone spur, Xu Yangyi furrowed his brows and said, “Mao Ba’er? Get to work.”

“Boohoo, boohoo…” The sound of weeping could be heard from inside the car. Afterwards, everyone’s faces turned strange.

A pudgy husky, no less than half the size of a man, was shifting on its fat butt and using its paws like a human to wipe its eyes. Its right hand, no… Its right paw held onto a laptop, and it dawdled out of the car with difficulty.

“C-Captain Xu…” Old Zhu was the first who couldn’t contain herself. “You just said it's named…”

“Mao, Mao Ba’er.” Xu Yangyi laughed and added, “My assistant. My unit is pretty weird. Combat members need to have a supervising agent. He’s… not bad.” [1]

How the hell was this a cat?! [2]

Have you ever seen a cat wearing a husky’s fur?! What are you even saying it’s not bad? That was weird!

If it weren’t for the odd scene in front of them, everyone might’ve been currently shrieking in fear. Still, they only used confused gazes to size up the talking husky—one of the internet’s Three Great Moe Mascots along with the equally famous raccoon and Japanese Shiba Inu. [3]

There was no choice but to say… that Captain Xu’s interests were somewhat peculiar… The implications of a young married woman raising a big dog were often heard, but when did young men like to raise big dogs, as well…

“Pretty boy… You actually added ‘Deliver Me’ to the playlist… It’s too touching… Too sad… It m-made me cry…” Mao Ba’er, the husky that could speak human speech, waddled over and set down his laptop, sobbing. “It deserves to be one of the Three Great Forbidden Songs that make people die when they listen to it… Not only humans, even dogs can cry once they hear it… and experience a similar sadness…” [4]

Everyone took a double take. Experience a similar sadness… to see a similar death, and associate it with one’s own future end and feel sorrow?

Who was similar to you?!

“Mao Ba’er.” Xu Yangyi shouted out neither slowly nor hurriedly. 

The husky trembled from tail to snout and used both his paws to immediately flip open the computer and began to type at it clickity-clack. After he looked at the computer for roughly three seconds, he wailed to the heavens and banged his head on the ground, beginning to weep bitterly.

“Boohoo, boohoo… Heavens… I can’t go on! Boohoo, boohoo… Woof! Woof! Woof!” This amalgamation of tones were enough to feel that the husky’s sorrowful mood could illuminate the sun and moon.

“These serpent bones are unappraisable. You completely ruined them.” Mao Ba’er fixed Xu Yangyi with a secretly bitter look. Within everyone’s horrified gazes, Mao Ba’er was standing up like a human, using an incomparably righteous and strict tone of voice and pressing his paw on Xu Yangyi’s stomach. “How many times have I told you?! Before each time we capture a demon, you need to avoid injuring the precious parts! If you don’t, where’s the money you use to buy cultivation resources going to come from?! Woof! I’ve had no income for a month straight because of your predisposition for crazy destruction and because you keep ending up like this!”

It was a scene brimming with an indescribable strangeness and sentiment. A big husky with one back paw stepping on the computer, the other back paw planted on the ground, a front paw rested on his hips, and the other front paw forcefully pressed on Xu Yangyi’s chest. With his spittle flying and tongue lashing about, it was obvious that a straight month without income really made the husky sad. So much that it had erupted with such a powerful fighting strength.

“Serpent’s gall is estimated to be worth a pretty penny, but this is a berserker! Don’t you know what a berserker is?! The purest demon form! The price comparison to ordinary demon forms is over three times in value! For example, you could hand over a portion of this glorious snake skin for a luxury-brand item worth at least 200,000 big ones! But now!”

“It wrecked itself. Maybe it liked playing the masochist.” Xu Yangyi lazily sat down in the car and lit a cigarette, taking a deep drag from it.

The bone spur lodged into his diaphragm through his back made him grimace.

“That isn’t important! That’s only the details!” A fire burned within Mao Bao’er’s eyes, and he bit into Xu Yangyi’s hand. The crackling fire in his eyes was audible. “The important point is… the last technique you used to kill it was Solution Ninety-One! Its demon core has totally fragmented! I’ve scanned it three times already! We won’t be able to sell a single cent of it!

Xu Yangyi swept his eyes over Mao Ba’er indifferently for a moment. “Let go of my hand… No, stop biting me.”

“Hmph!” The husky adorably flung his head back in defiance.

“Okay, I’ll remember to be a bit more gentle next time.” Xu Yangyi massaged his temples. “Let’s handle official business first.”

“Remember your promise!” Mao Ba’er let go of Xu Yangyi’s hand and lapped at it. Upon seeing Xu Yangyi’s gaze, the husky quickly added, “The saliva will heal minor wounds.”

Xu Yangyi puffed out a cloud of smoke and raised his middle finger. It was one thing to say something and another to do it. Mao Ba’er stuck his neck out and everyone saw a golden bell hanging from it.

Jingle… A faint chime rang out, and the officers felt their eyelids suddenly become a thousand catties heavier. Less than five seconds later, all of them gently fell to the ground, and the sound of snoring filled the air.

“You sure they won’t remember?” Xu Yangyi gazed at the roof of the car, his eyelids beginning to turn heavy, as well. Painful waves of throbbing pressure began to flood his bones. At the beginning, it was only a slightly dull pain, but before three seconds had even passed, it seemed like someone was using countless hammers to smash into each of his bones. True pain drilled straight into his bone marrow!

Yet the pain didn’t end here… even the qi sea within his dantian also turned in a sudden stab of pain. His eyelids became heavier and heavier, and before he shut them again, he saw an adorable, curious face and a slobbering tongue that disgusted him. 

You got guts…

When Xu Yangyi woke up again, he didn’t know how long he had slept for. He discovered he was in a hospital bed.

“Don’t move…” A paw accurately pressed down on his wound, mischievously using a bit of force. Mao Ba’er’s crude smiling face hazily emerged before him. “You’ve been in a coma for twelve days. This is Sanshui City’s Primary People’s Hospital. Do you feel that anything you look at is unusually blurry right now? Does it look like I have a kind of indistinct Mona Lisa-esque beauty?” 

Xu Yangyi was unsure whether the academy branch had their heads screwed on tight when they had sent him such a reject.

“Water…” He roughly lifted his hand, and a cup was immediately placed at his side. Just as Xu Yangyi was about to drink, he suddenly fixed his eyes on Mao Ba’er, enduring the scalding pain from his throat with great difficulty. “What did you give me?”

Mao Ba’er carried the cup in his mouth and took it to the other side in a routine fashion. Afterwards, he flashed his adorable eyes at Xu Yangyi, looking for praise.

Why was it that an indescribable killing intent had arose in Xu Yangyi’s heart?

Under Xu Yangyi’s icy gaze, Mao Ba’er lowered his head and stood up, using both his paws to pour a glass of water again and muttered in discontent, “I’m going to sue you for racial discrimination...”

“Hehe…” Xu Yangyi ultimately couldn’t restrain his grim laughter from slipping through. After he rested for half an hour…

Swish… 

“Woof! Woof, Woof!” 

Bang!

A husky was suddenly thrown out of the intensive care unit, and the door slammed shut. He then stood up like a human and started to frantically bang the door.

“Pretty boy! I’m warning you! You can’t humiliate me like this! Let me in right now! We can split it up 70-30 later on! However, I absolutely won’t allow you to treat your manager this way!”

“60-40! 60-40 is the lowest I’ll go! Hey… you wouldn’t change your manager, right? It’s really hard to find someone like me that’s self-walking and adorable!”

1. He is actually the pronoun it. For the sake of avoiding confusion about the general situation v.s Mao Ba’er’s own standing, I made it easier to understand. Mao Ba’er’s name in Chinese is “Cat Eight-Two”

2. “Hell”. 拓麻 - I think this is another censor word for the F word. It’s also the chinese for tamagotchi. “How the fuck was this a cat?!”

3. Moe is the best word I can use to describe the compound word for silliness/cuteness. It is an abstract concept of things that illicit “cutesy feelings that you want to snuggle”. Moe is a word I believe to have roots in Japanese anime subculture with the next closest cultural abstract idea I can think of being the Koreans’ “aegyo”.

4. 物伤其类 - chinese idiom that I translated as “meeting a similar sadness”. It’s actually more like “meeting a similar death” or the explanation I found is that you feel sad when seeing someone that meets a similar sad/bitter situation as well.