Court Lady

Snow was still falling.

Sun Lingshu stood in the snow as she gazed distractedly at the figure that was leaving. It was her younger sister, Sun Lingwei. Lingwei had come into the palace today to beg her not to marry her off to Lu Qi. Sun Lingshu asked her if she had someone she liked. Lingwei had replied that she did not. However, a peace knot had fallen out of her sleeve. When Sun Lingshu picked it up to look, Lingwei became nervous and said that it was very important.

Sun Lingshu, however, recalled that Princess Xinnan had a similar peace knot. She also treated it like a gem. Sun Lingshu immediately thought of Princess Xinnan and Sheng Chuling. Sun Lingshu found an opportunity to ask Lingwei’s servant, Guiyuan. Guiyuan was honest and said that recently, Sun Lingwei was very close to Duke Lu Residence’s Third Young Master.

How can it be? How can it be? Her sister, who she doted on, was actually secretly dating Consort Han’s younger brother! In this palace, there was the Empress that was biased to Prince Han, Xinnan who was biased to Consort Han. There was also Fu Rou, who was always helping Duke Lu Residence. Could it be that her life was not difficult enough? Was Consort Han’s hand going to reach into her maiden family?

Sun Lingshu suddenly walked into the main hall. She felt lonely.

A palace maid walked in holding a tray of snacks. She said that they were jujube cakes sent from Han Mansion.

Sun Lingshu immediately felt disgusted as she shouted, “Throw them away! In the future, throw away anything that comes from the Han Mansion!”

Fu Shui walked in. He took the tray from the palace maid and gestured for the palace maid to leave. “Your Highness seems troubled. Throwing everything from the Han Mansion away will only make you feel better. However, by doing so, you will not be able to help His Highness.”

“Fu Shui, have you ever experienced this feeling? In the past, you had so many people around you that were concerned and cared about you. But all of a sudden, you realised that all these are lies. Everyone is lying to you, even your sister, who you loved and trusted the most, has betrayed you. She looks at you with innocent eyes and lies to your face. It makes you feel isolated, helpless and despair.”

“Ever since I was born, I led a life that was different from others. I never enjoyed peace. Nor have I ever enjoyed a family’s warmth. The sensation that I am most familiar with is this isolation that you just described. However, I have never felt despair.”

Sun Lingshu asked, “How do you do it?”

Fu Shui said a single word. “Fight.”

Sun Lingshu did not understand. “Fight?”

“Fight with those that look down on me or lie to me. Fight with those that humiliate me or want to hurt me. I fight with whoever that looks at me as an enemy. Life is basically a competition between life and death. I only think about how to win and don’t have time to despair.” Fu Shui looked sternly at Sun Lingshu. “Your Highness, do you think this feeling is despair? You are wrong. One day, if the Crown Prince gets disposed of and Prince Han becomes Great Tang’s Crown Prince, both of you will lose your status and respect. You will lose your comfortable life and live your life in mud. Everyday, you will worry about the final blade that will come and end you. At that time, you will know what true despair is. If you don’t want to end up like that, you have to be strong and help the Crown Prince in his fight against Han Mansion.”

Sun Lingshu muttered, “Help the Crown Prince fight against Han Mansion?”

Fu Shui’s words were like a curse. “Yes. Fight fiercely even if it means using unscrupulous means. Han Mansion is fierce but you have to be fiercer than them. If Prince Han is cruel, you have to be more cruel than him. Between the Eastern Palace and Han Mansion, it is either the Han Mansion that will perish or the Eastern Palace.”

At this moment, Shuangxi ran in anxiously. “Crown Princess, something has gone wrong! Fu Siyan took the Imperial Grandson to Lizheng Palace.”

Sun Lingshu jumped up and rushed out. Fu Shui stopped her. “Your Highness, where are you going?”

Sun Lingshu shouted, “They are snatching my Xiang’er. I want to go to Lizheng Palace to get my child back.”

Fu Shui was cold. “If you go, will you be able to get him back? You will only anger Her Majesty and give her an excuse to send you back to the Sun Residence. Don’t forget that Fu Siyan came from the Han Mansion. Han Mansion’s plan is very thorough and they have already forced you step by step. Today, you lose your child. What will you lose tomorrow?”

Sun Lingshu’s hands balled up into fists. Her entire body was trembling. Her gaze was penetrating as she glared at the plate of jujube cake.

 

After the snowy day, the weather was clear. The icicles that had formed under the roof edge had yet to melt. Fu Yin carried a basket of coal as she headed into the cabin. Her child’s clothes could not be brought out to dry and she could only dry them by the furnace.

Although Lu Qi no longer cared about her and the servants spoke ill of her, Housekeeper Wu did not slack off. However, she needed to do things herself. Ever since she entered the Lu Residence, she had done all kinds of labour. She had long stepped out of the comfortable life that she once led. Therefore, she did not feel as if she was suffering. 

As she returned to the corridor outside the room. She lit up a charcoal and threw it into the furnace. She hung all the small shirts and pants before breathing out. She turned around only to see Lu Qi standing by the door and carrying their child. She did not know how long he had been watching her.

Lu Qi placed the child back into the cradle and walked out. He turned the corner of the corridor before stopping and walking back to the door.

He spoke, “I am going to get married. His Majesty has bestowed a marriage.”

“I know. She is the Sun family’s second daughter, the Crown Princess’ sister.” Everyone in the residence was talking about it. 

He waited for her to say something. Unexpectedly, she remained quiet. Like this! It was always like this! In the past, he had thought that she spoke very little because she was shy. Now he knew that it was because she had a lot of things on her mind. 

He grew angrier and he eventually burst out. “You said that since the first day you met me I was a cruel and heartless murderer?”

She did not deny. “Yes. I said that before.”

“You said that when you first knew you were pregnant, you did not want to keep our child!” Everyone said that if you love someone, you loved everything about them. However, because of him, his child was despised by his mother.

“That’s right. I said that before.” It was not that she was speaking irresponsible. She was being honest.

“You!” His expression was filled with pain. “I thought that I had found the woman that most deserves my love and protection. In the end, she only thought of me as a murderer. Ever since you said that, you have shattered my heart completely and I thought of killing you. No one has ever hurt or humiliated me like that before. I really want to kill you.”

“Then do it.” If death was what awaits her, she was willing to accept it.

“Don’t think that I won’t do it.” He tried his best to be emotionless.

“Lu Qi, I am useless. I once wanted to be a filial daughter to my parents but I did a horrible job. When my mother was still alive, I did not know how to cherish her and often made her angry. I wanted to do things that would allow my mother to be at peace in the afterlife but I didn't do it well. Instead, I fell deeper and deeper to the point that I cannot be saved. I wanted to be a clean and innocent person but I killed Lu Hanxing. I became a murderer. I wanted to split my gratitude and grudges properly and repay them but I am hesitant and always sway, just like grass on a wall. Eventually, I decided not to do anything. If I just close my eyes, I could devote myself to being your woman and the mother of your child...but I ruined it.” She truly did not know what to do anymore.

“Not only do you hate me, I hate myself too. I am so useless and have nothing to show. If I remain alive, I will only hurt people. I would be better off dead. Hence, if you want to kill me, please do it.” Look at her. Even now, she could not hold back her tears. She wiped her tears roughly.

“I said and did many wrong things. I don’t know how to make up for it. I really want to go back to the past and return to when I have not done anything wrong.” She would be Du Ning’s obedient wife. They would write and paint together, leading a peaceful life. 

Lu Qi suddenly came into the room and embraced Fu Yin tightly. “Don’t cry. Do you know that I can’t bear to see you cry? Don’t be afraid. Everyone makes mistakes. Forget about the past. We can start again.”

Fu Yin looked up. “Will you forgive me?”

Lu Qi nodded strongly. “Of course. Will you?” He looked into her eyes. They were filled with sorrow yet they were pure. Maybe he did not know her before, but he knew that she was kind. He had never misjudged her on this.

Fu Yin nodded firmly. “Yes. I will learn from my mistakes and change. Let’s let our child’s childhood name be Shan’er [1]. Shall we?”

Lu Qi smiled. “Very well.”

1. Shan 善 means to be kind/virtuous