Show Me the Money

Chapter 183 – Armor of Misfortune (Fake)

The space within the Door of Misfortune was endless. In a place like this, it was harder to find an Envoy of Misfortune capable of transformation than climb to the sky. There was still no sign of Kantos after searching for more than an hour, like he had long gone to ground in a deep, dark place behind the Door of Misfortune.

Since Purple Bell needed to log off, everyone agreed on a time to meet again before going offline as well to eat.

Fatty quickly finished his meal and logged on again. However, the rest hadn’t returned yet, so he decided to stroll around on his new mount.

Kantos’ territory was much more beautiful than Kodeland’s. At least this area had flowers and trees in addition to living animals and wasn’t just an endless stretch of white bones. The Skeletal Dragon set the ground rumbling with every step, scaring away many of the normal animals.

Whoosh! All of a sudden, the branch of a huge tree trembled and whipped toward Fatty.

With a smooth flip, Fatty dodged to another spot on the dragon’s back. The branch missed and hit the dragon’s bony body, causing it to creak. Surprisingly, the mount’s massive body shook from the strike.

“Kakakak, Little Fatty! Your ability to react isn’t too shabby.” The trunk of the tree slowly transformed, and, in the next moment, a human face emerged on its surface.

Recognizing the face, Fatty chuckled. The Envoy of Misfortune, Kantos. Fatty never thought the guy would have guts enough to show up right there. Looking at Kantos’ health bar, it was obvious that the damage it had suffered hadn’t recovered.

“Little Fatty, how does misfortune taste?” Kantos cackled grandly, and all its branches swayed as though its body shook from laughing too hard.

Fatty cast Kantos a look of contempt. “You blind? When did you ever see this Lord Fatty tripped up by misfortune? On the other hand, I see that a certain darkness has settled between your brows, and a black cloud hangs over your head1. Very soon, you’ll experience some unfortunate events; I advise you to be careful.”

“Hmm? What does a black cloud have to do with unfortunate events?” Kantos was dumbstruck.

“A lot, big time.” Fatty jumped off the Skeletal Dragon and chose a spot on the ground to sit down. Clearly, he was prepared to have a detailed conversation about this.

Kantos hesitated a little, then transformed into its human form and sat down several meters across from Fatty. Clearly, the Envoy wanted to hear Fatty’s explanation.

“This Transformation skill of yours isn’t bad. How’s the cooldown?” Fatty was curious.

“I can only use it five times a day,” Kantos casually replied. “Hurry and tell me about the black cloud and unfortunate events. I’ve been an Envoy of Misfortune for years, but I’ve never heard of this before.”

“You’ve been an Envoy for many years? How many exactly? Why did you become an Envoy of Misfortune?” Fatty bombarded the boss with questions like an inquisitive child.

Kantos’ forehead creased. “This… I don’t know. Ever since I've been able to record events, I’ve been an Envoy of Misfortune.”

Fatty persisted, “Then, how’s the treatment? How much is your monthly salary? What are the benefits?”

“Treatment? Salary? Benefits? What are those?” Kantos asked blankly.

“Ah! You don’t have any of those?! So, you’re working for free?” Fatty was appalled. He then grew indignant. “The gall! To think the God of Misfortune has the audacity to make you work for free and give you no reward at all!”

“Reward? As a worshipper of the almighty God of Misfortune, our greatest reward is the opportunity to listen to his teachings everyday. What else should there be?” Kantos was incredulous.

“It’s wrong; it’s totally wrong. You’ve gotta change your way of thinking!” Fatty declared in the name of justice. “May I ask, do you have any Divine items?”

“No.” Kantos shook his head.

“Celestial then?”

“None.”

“Divine pets?”

“Don’t have any.”

“Then, what do you have?”

“The teachings of the God of Misfortune…”

“Stop. What has your god taught you?”

“The God has taught us… taught us…” Kantos was at a complete loss.

“See, even the only spiritual reward is a fraud! Why the hell are you still an Envoy of Misfortune?” Fatty pushed.

“Because we can… can…” Kantos stuttered, unable to think of a reason.

“What’s your mission then?”

“To stop players from entering the Paradise of Misfortune.”

“And where’s the Paradise of Misfortune?”

“It’s—F*ck, you almost got me!” Kantos instantly regained his wits and glared at Fatty furiously. From the looks of it, the elementalist had, indeed, bruised the boss’s pure and innocent heart.

“Eyy, bro, no need to be so uptight. Heed my advice: Go back to your kids while you can. This job has no future,” Fatty sagely proclaimed.

“Heh, Little Fatty, I remember now. Our sole mission as Envoys is to take care of people like you!” With a shrug, Kantos transformed into a golden cobra.

The creature was somewhere around ten meters long and as thick as a bucket. Slightly flicking its tongue, the cobra streaked toward Fatty.

“A cobra? Lord Fatty made his first few bucks off cobras.” Fatty swiftly retreated and jumped onto the Skeletal Dragon.

Pfah! The cobra spat out a thick, colorful fog that flooded after Fatty. Wherever the cloud passed, grass instantly withered.

“Wheat!” shouted Fatty. Stalagmites shot out from the ground in quick succession and battered the cobra’s stomach. –101 –126 …

A series of numbers popped, and the golden cobra’s health dropped by a sliver.

“Pounce!” Fatty directed the dragon to dash straight through the fog. Because of the Brutal Saddle, Fatty could attack while mounted. Bam! The massive Skeletal Dragon rammed the cobra and sent it flying, spiraling through the air. As it landed, the snake snapped several nearby trees in half. –30 –30 …

Simultaneously, a string of numbers popped above Fatty’s head as well. In just a few seconds, the fog had erased more than half of his health. He was shocked at the amount of damage caused by this single puff of poisonous smoke.

Hastily tossing a red pill in his mouth, the elementalist’s body flashed and vanished from the dragon’s back.

Flicking its tongue, the golden cobra rose and vigilantly glanced about. “Szzz, szz.” Fwit! A cold gleam shot at the cobra’s eyes, followed closely by Fatty’s nimble body.

The cobra only needed to sway its head slightly in order to parry the crossbow arrow. Klack!

While at it, the boss opened its mouth wide and sucked inward with a terrifying force, intent on swallowing Fatty into its stomach.

Wheewm! A boulder the size of a human head spun toward the gaping jaws. All kinds of grass, branches and leaves accompanied the stone. Completely unable to control his body, Fatty was involuntarily pulled toward the cobra.

Earthwalk. Fatty decisively used the Movement Art. When he appeared again, he was behind the boss.

Kantos reacted very quickly. Swish! Its tail swept around and kicked up a gale that was enough alone to make Fatty’s face feel painful when it got close.

With a swift back bend, the elementalist dodged the attack. He then used a series of foot maneuvers to effortlessly leap to the cobra’s side.

Deadly Poison. A green light flashed briefly. As expected, the poisoning failed; yet, Fatty was as calm as ever. He quickly took out a potion and smeared a liquid on the Elemental Sword. Then, he stabbed the cobra.

Royal Winged Ant Poison: Paralyzes the opponent for ten seconds during which the paralysis will not wear off even if the target is attacked.

The cobra’s body froze under the effect, and it remained rooted to the spot like a stone statue.

Whoosh! The Elemental Sword suddenly grew into a massive sword. Viciously, the blade stabbed into the cobra’s mouth and then savagely twisted. –694

Fatty was delighted! Pulling out the sword, he slashed at the cobra’s head. Swoosh, swoosh! With two successive strikes, the cobra’s sight fell into darkness.

“AH! MY EYES!”

The paralysis was wearing off, so Fatty resolutely retreated; but, the cobra didn’t attack the moment it was free. Instead, Kantos transformed back into his human form. Cradling his head, the boss rolled like mad across the ground, howling.

“I shall kill you! I shall kill you!!”

Kantos stood up. His eyes were gone. In their place were two bloody holes.

Whoosh! The Envoy transformed once more. This time it became a spider with eight legs and a human head. The body was two meters tall and covered in a golden coat of spiky fur. Coupled with the human face, the creature’s appearance was extremely eerie.

Pff! As soon as the transformation was complete, the spider spat out one silk thread that quickly spun into a spider web as it soared toward Fatty.

Fatty dodged the attack with a step and hoped to advance. But, the spider abruptly jumped and spat out another thread, forcing the elementalist back.

In less than a few minutes, the human-faced spider was cloistered inside a nest of silken threads. The interwoven threads created a huge net, and the boss lay properly within, awaiting Fatty’s arrival.

Without long-ranged attacks, one could only dream of harming the spider without touching the net. Fatty, unfortunately, lacked long-ranged attacks.

As time passed, the wounds on the spider disappeared, and its eyes slowly regained their sight. Its health also leisurely replenished.

“I wonder what kind of good loot this monster will drop when it dies,” mumbled Fatty. A scroll suddenly appeared in his hand. He tore it and tossed it out.

Ding! System Notification: Player Money Grubber has used an intermediate fire skill scroll, Wildfire Stormburst. Grants the skill Wildfire Stormburst, an AOE effective over 25 square meters. Magic Attack: 30 Duration: 60 sec.

Although this type of scroll worked more effectively when dealing with a large number of small mobs, Fatty only used it on the human-faced spider to burn away the threads. –30 –30 …

Numbers repeatedly rose from the spider’s head. The meager damage posed no remote threat to the boss, whose HP was over 10,000. However, the nest was burnt to a crisp.

“Screech! Screech!” The spider shrieked with fury. Its two eyes that had regained some light stared dead at Fatty with terrifying hatred.

The spider shrugged and once again transformed. This time it was an eagle. The bird spread its wings to take off.

“Wheat!” Fatty shouted. The rodent waiting underground erupted from the earth and bit onto the eagle’s wing. With a snap, Wheat utilized Petrification. The entire bird became a rising eagle statue.

The effect of Petrification could last up to 60 seconds when the victim wasn’t under attack. Very pleased, Fatty patted Wheat on the head.

The elementalist smiled upon seeing the number of people on his party list start to grow.

“How ya gonna run now, huh?!” The unlucky Jiangdong’s LittleOverlord finally got to vent all of his fury at Kantos. As soon as he heard of Kantos’ location, he’d ran there at full speed, tripping twice along the way.

Thud! With a face full of bitterness, Kantos finally fell to Fatty and scattered a bunch of items. On top of the loot lay a stark white piece of armor. After several Appraisals, the item’s info was finally revealed:

Armor of Misfortune (fake) Violet Armor Level Requirement: 50 Defense: 75 INT +20 END +16 Passive: Whoever attacks the wearer will have a specific percentage of decreased luck for a certain period of time. Notes: Part of the Misfortune Equipment Set (fake) Class Requirement: None

1. The Chinese fortune-telling catchphrase joke to tell someone that bad luck/bad events are about to come.↩